need another drink. this is the easiest way
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
