You work out of a Hotel?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How does it feel to date your dad?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
