woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
