Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
