yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
