and you said cock pushups were impossible
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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