omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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