Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
