I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
