As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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