dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I did not marry a roomba.
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