dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize