i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
