my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
