and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
