he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
