final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize