dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
