my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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