Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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