You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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