plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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