Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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