I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
