Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
