Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
