Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
