I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
