no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
