apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
