Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
