I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
