How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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