census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
