maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
