Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My balls are so social today.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
