I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I didn't notice because vodka
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
