I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
