Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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