My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
