your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
