Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
