I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
