I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
