true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
