Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
