I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
