3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
