I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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