It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
